Stop Being a "Should-Head"

Are you constantly telling yourself, “I should (fill in the blank)?”  I should exercise more.  I should drink more water.  I should eat less sugar.  I should save money instead of buying things I don’t need.  I should study my Bible more. 

You get the drift.  How can we avoid this constant struggle where we “should all over ourselves”? 

Well, if there is something in your life you know will take you closer to where you want to be, then make the decision to do it and stop “should-ing.” 

Playing the “Should Game” expends valuable energy.  When you become a “should-head,” it takes more energy to decide to do something than to actually do it.  

Instead of asking “Should I?”, ask “How will I?”.    For example, you could say, “I know exercising will help me be the person I want to be.  How will I fit that into my schedule?”  Notice the difference between that statement and the statement, “I should get up tomorrow and exercise.”  The “how question” is more empowering than the “should statement”.

“Should statements” trigger judgment and self-criticism.  “How questions”, however, shift the focus from judgment to exploration, solution-seeking, and openness to options.

So, once you’ve decided what you want (what will take you closer to where you want to be), ask yourself, “How will I make this happen?”.   This simple question will open more opportunities than you could ever imagine.

I wish you a “should-free” day!

Living Your Holiday Values Can Reduce Your Holiday Stress

We are like fingerprints regarding our values – each of us has a different set.  The same is true for our Holiday Values, which can be defined as the core principles and meanings that a holiday represents to each individual.  Often, holiday values focus on themes like family connection, spiritual or religious beliefs, generosity, peace, gratitude, community, and traditions.

When you understand your values surrounding the holidays, you can make choices that align with those values.  The result is a more enjoyable holiday!

We often toss around the word “values” but don’t really take the time to understand, identify, and make behavior choices based on those values.  For example, we might say that Jesus is the most important part of the holiday, but reading our Bible or praying gets pushed to the bottom of the “to-do list”.  Then we feel guilty and guilt creates stress.

I would challenge you to create more peace by determining your values before the holiday begins so you can live within those values and be true to yourself.

When determining your values, it’s important not to judge yourself because judgment inhibits creativity.  Instead, practice curiosity, as being curious can give you positive feedback.

Ask yourself how the “Best Christmas Ever” would look for you.  Here are some questions you can ask to get your creative juices flowing. 

·      What brings you joy? 

·      What are you doing when you are the happiest? 

·      What are you not willing to let go of during this season?

·      Do you prefer a big gathering or a small and intimate celebration? 

·      Do you enjoy decorating? 

·      Do you like to bake? 

·      Is going to church important to you during the holiday season?

·      Do you like to travel?

When reflecting on these questions, be sure your answers are true for you and not based on what you think you should want or what others say you need.  We can’t live others’ values because we end up being disappointed in ourselves.  And being disappointed in ourselves can cause additional stress.

Now that you have a clear picture of what is important to you during the holidays, it’s time to decide to make it happen.  Identify three small steps to get you closer to the “Best Christmas Ever” that you dream about.  Set up a time and place to do those three things. Remember that this process may take time.  Don’t overwhelm yourself with a long list of things you must do in order to have your “Best Christmas Ever”.  Start small, then next year you can add more changes.  When we start too big, we often become overwhelmed and when we get overwhelmed, we tend to quit.

I encourage you to take the time to ask yourself the important questions that help you determine your Holiday Values, make a list of 3 things you can do this year to give yourself more peace, make a plan to do those things, and enjoy your “Best Christmas Ever”.

I wish you a Christmas that aligns you with your Holiday Values and gives you peace.

A Better Way Than Discipline

I’d like to share with you a concept I read about recently that changed how I look at discipline and “doing the hard thing”.  You have never heard me say the words, “I love discipline!”  But this concept helped me look at discipline in a totally different way.  Rory Vaden, author, marketing guru, and speaker, coined this concept the “Principle of Sacrifice” and takes the act of discipline and reframes it in a way that makes it much more attractive. 

Simply stated, the “Principle of Sacrifice” says that easy, short-term choices lead to difficult, long-term consequences and difficult, short-term choices lead to easy, long-term consequences.  You may have heard me say that when you do life easy, life becomes hard. The concept is the same.  I’ll tell you a quick story around that.  When COVID hit, I stopped going to the gym.  I started working out in my living room … sorta.  I was not putting in even 50% to my routine.  Then suddenly, I couldn’t pick up a 40-pound bag of dog food.  I was making easy short-term decisions to not put 100% in my exercise routine and suddenly, life became difficult around picking up a bag of dog food. 

Vaden also says that when we take the easy road, the problems surrounding it are always amplified. Let’s take our health as an example.

Have you ever noticed when you want to take action on a goal you’ve set, you view it as a sacrifice?  For example, let’s say you’ve made the decision to lose that extra 30 pounds and you’ve decided to go to the gym to help you accomplish that goal.  When you go (or think about going) to the gym, you likely view it as enduring discomfort or pain.   

But here’s the thing:  we are always going to experience pain.  We try to avoid pain, but that’s impossible.  We have the option to choose

whether we have the pain now or later. 

And if we choose later, we’re going to accumulate interest that we’ll have to pay.   If we take action now to lose the extra pounds, we will likely avoid health issues later.  Which makes life easier, to go to the gym today or suffer a weight-related illness later?  Vaden says that

taking action now is a short-term down payment on a rich future blessing. 

The shortest, most guaranteed path to the easier life is to do the hardest parts as soon as possible.  In other words, don’t procrastinate. 

This concept can be applied to all areas of your life.  Debt management expert Dave Ramsey said,

“Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else.” 

In other words, make sacrifices now to live better later.  How about relationships?  Don’t put off that difficult conversation because it will grow and fester and make your life more miserable than if you’d just had the conversation to begin with.

Either way (doing it now or later) it’s going to be hard.  But if we can avoid the interest, life in general will be easier. 

Vaden studied ultra-performers and found that they don’t like discipline any more than the rest of us.  They’ve just learned to train their brain to process choices differently. The “Principle of Sacrifice” is one way they look at discipline. 

The bottom line is that just about anything we want in life, we’re going to have to work to get (health, wealth, relationships, career, spiritual).  And it’s going to be hard.  If it’s not hard, we’d already have it.   But if we don’t do it now,

it is going to be harder later. 

And that, my friends, is the “Principle of Sacrifice”.

If you have questions or would like a free coaching session, click here!

Here’s to discipline made easier!

Three Actions for a Life of Fewer Regrets

Most of us don’t put a lot of thought into the end of life.  It’s generally something we don’t like to think or talk about. 

But I believe it’s time to rethink that sentiment.  Instead of shying away from the topic, I believe we should embrace it because it is going to happen.

And when it does, we want to look back on our life with few regrets.

No matter what stage of life we’re in right now, we can certainly benefit from reflecting and resetting. 

Here are three actions you can take now to help you have less life regrets:

1.     Pick one area you’d like to move forward in (physical health, spiritual health, emotional health, finances, your contribution to the world, and relationships are a few).

2.     Now ask yourself, “How would I like this area of my life to look in 1 year?”

3.     Choose 1-3 small actions that will help you move forward and go do them. 

Moving forward is powerful.  It creates a momentum that is contagious.  I like to say that momentum creates … well … momentum!  Keep in mind that growth and change can be challenging, but never as painful as staying where you don’t belong.

If you’d like clarity on how to start, just click here to schedule a free 60-minute, no-pressure coaching session to learn more.

Here’s to a life filled with fewer regrets!

Like Olympians, We Should Focus on Our Actions, Not the Result (90 Second Read)

Have you noticed that Katie Ledecky’s name is all over the news right now?  In the summer Olympics in Paris this year, she could become the most decorated swimmer of all time.  (If she hasn’t already by the time you read this!)  Go Katie!

She will compete with the best of the best.  They all have trained physically, mentally, and emotionally and have prepared for years to compete in this race.  One of them will win.  The others will be considered “also rans”. 

Will the “also rans” return home and give up because they put in all the work and did their best, but lost?  Or will they dig in and learn more about how to increase their chances at the next race?  I’m guessing these are not the type of athletes to give up so easily.  Not only will they continue their rigorous training, but they will probably up the ante with any new-found information they glean from the experience.

They will focus on action rather than the outcome of their action.

Many of us give up on our desire to move forward because we focus entirely on the outcome.  We have a faulty mindset that tells us because we have worked hard, we will win.  A great example is, “Because we ate more veggies this week, we will lose a few pounds”. 

Unfortunately, there are many times that we don’t reach a goal we set, regardless of the time we invested (or the amount of time we thought about it).

So, my advice is to keep your focus on the action even when the outcome isn’t what you expected.  By persevering, you will develop a great work ethic which will serve you in all efforts you attempt. 

The bottom line is …

eventually you will succeed. 

What is one action you can start today to bring you closer to where you want to be?

Here’s to focusing on your actions!

Five Questions to Help You Determine Your Purpose

As Mark Twin famously said,

“The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why”. 

 Did you know that many people never discover their “why”?  They drift from one opportunity, one condition, one situation, to another without a clear sense of direction or focus.  But when we know our purpose and fulfill it, we can make changes in the lives of others and in the world that no one else is capable of making. 

 As St. Catherine of Sienna said,

“Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.” 

 Probably almost all of us have asked questions like, “Why doesn’t it feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing?” or “Why does it feel like something is missing in my life?”.   For some, it’s easy to answer those questions and move forward.  However, a lot of us struggle for answers and never really discover the calling God has given us. 

 Can you imagine getting to the end of life and having regrets about how you spent your earthly time? 

Not only that, but did you know that in order to be truly content here and now, it’s critical that you find and live the purpose God has given you?  Why is that?  Because if you’re not doing what you are supposed to be doing, you aren’t fulfilled

 In his book “Find Your Purpose in Life”, Gregory Jantz shares four beliefs that are important to know:

·      You have a mission and a calling.  Your life has meaning because you were born for a particular “why” – an indispensable reason for being on earth.

·      You were created with God-given talents and skills to live out your purpose.

·      You can live a fully energized life, knowing you are contributing significantly to the people closest to you and the larger world around you.

·      You have enough and are enough to reach your full potential and become the person God intends you to be.

 So, how do you determine your purpose?  In my Life Fulfillment Program, I ask several questions to help determine your purpose.  I want to share the five most powerful questions with you today to help you gain an insight on identifying your purpose.  These aren’t the “be-all and end-all” questions, but they will give you a great start on helping you understand your purpose.

1.     What do you love to learn about most?

2.     If you could get a message across to a large group of people, who would those people be and what would the message be?

3.     What are you naturally good at?

4.     What would you do for a living if there were no restrictions (money, time, education, etc.)?

5.     If you had to teach one and only one thing, what would you teach?

 A clear sense of purpose gives us a reason for what we want to do and a connection to a goal that’s bigger than us.  It is associated with many positive aspects of life, including better decision-making, optimism, a greater sense of belonging, mental and physical well-being, and increased motivation.

 When we don’t know our purpose, we tend to drift through life and as motivational speaker and author Jim Rohn once said, “Here’s one problem with drifting:  you can’t drift your way to the top of the mountain.”  And who wants to stay forever in the valley!

 If you have questions or if you’d like a free, no pressure consultation to learn more about your purpose or my programs, click here.

 Here’s to knowing and living your purpose!

One-minute Read: What does it mean to live my Values and Purpose?

This is a question I get a lot and it’s a great question. 

Let’s start with the definition of both “purpose” and “values”.

Purpose is the reason you exist.  This could be anything from teaching to entertaining to being a financial mentor, but it almost always involves helping others or in some way enriching others’ lives.  From a Christian perspective, we all have a purpose to love and serve God.  But God has given us a life purpose as well and only you can identify your purpose.   

Values, on the other hand, are the things you value.  These are characteristics you hold dear to your heart.  When we think of values, we often think about things like honesty, integrity, and kindness.  But your values could include fun, adventure, creativity, courage, financial responsibility, or a whole array of other characteristics. 

It’s likely that your purpose and values go hand in hand.  For example, one of my client’s purpose is to teach special education.  She knows in her heart this is what she is meant to do.  It was interesting to her to find that one of her primary values is to give a voice to those who can’t always speak for themselves.

Identifying your purpose and values and applying them to your life can have an impact on you that will change how you live, think, and interact with others. It can give you a measure of contentment that you never knew existed.

If you have questions or want to chat about this, click here to schedule an appointment.

Here’s to living your purpose and values!

Two-Minute Read: Deck the halls ... let's be jolly!

You’ve probably heard this dozens of times before, but I just want to give you a quick reminder to stop and smell the candy canes this holiday season.

In the traditional Christmas carol, “Deck the Halls,” not only are we encouraged to decorate for Christmas, but also “to be jolly”.  The holiday usually means buying presents, cooking, working, shopping, baking, and rushing, rushing, rushing. But the best thing about the holidays is slowing down, enjoying time with family, and including lots of laughter in your routine. 

Laughter has so many benefits for our mental and physical health.  It can alleviate stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure, fight heart disease and stroke risk, relieve body tension, boost our immune system, relieve pain, help with memory, help us connect with others, and may even help us burn some belly fat!

How can we incorporate laughter during such a stressful time?  Here are a few ways:

1.     Remember that it’s ok if your holiday isn’t perfect.  Relax your standards just this once

2.     Play with your kids.  This is bound to elicit a few smiles.

3.     Watch a funny movie.

4.     Play a fun game that will have everyone laughing.  Click here for some ideas.

5.     Read a fun book.

6.     Watch funny YouTube videos … the kind that prompts those deep belly laughs.

And above all, give yourself permission to relax and enjoy this season.

Merry Christmas to you and yours and …

here’s to your health!

Two-Minute Read: Knowing and Living Your Values

Do you sometimes struggle with making decisions and commitments about your health … like … should I join the gym?  Is it worth it to eat healthy? Can I really make a commitment to cut back on sugar? 

What about financial decisions?  Are you forever second-guessing that purchase?  Or after you bought something do you realize you didn’t really need it?

And what questions do you ask yourself about your spiritual life?  Do I really have time to consistently spend time with God?  I talk with Him throughout the day.  Shouldn’t that be enough?

Did you know that knowing your values in life can help make decisions and commitments easier? 

Let me tell you a story about me.

Not too long ago, I moved to a new area.  I decided I could save a few bucks by working out at home instead of joining a gym.  And I did … sorta.  I’d walk some and spend 15 minutes -- some days -- doing a light cardio with light weights and very little stretching.  I didn’t have anyone to push me and I certainly wasn’t doing a very good job of pushing myself.  Big tip here: if being motivated to work out on your own isn’t your thing, you need accountability.  I had none. 

I started noticing a difference and not in a good way.  Suddenly, I struggled to lift a 40-pound bag of dog food.  I struggled to walk up a hill at a good pace.  I struggled with fatigue.  I struggled with brain fog.  I struggled with having the energy to keep up with my grandkids. 

I just plain struggled.

Then, I starting reading, studying, and researching “living my values”.   The more I became aware of the value of living a life based on values, the more I appreciated and benefited from my findings.

I went through a process to determine my values and realized being active and fit is a primary value of mine.  I wasn’t becoming active and fit working out at home, so you would think joining a gym would be natural decision, right?  Not necessarily because being financially responsible is another value of mine and gyms cost money.  So, I rationalized, why can’t I be active and fit by working out at home, all while being financially responsible too?  You see my dilemma?  Two opposing values wrapped up in one situation.

Going through a second process (which, when done correctly, can change how you view everything and can change your life!) helped me realize that what I was currently doing wasn’t working and by joining a gym, I would fulfill other values of mine as well. 

After going through this second process, I made the decision to join a gym and haven’t looked back.  No buyer’s remorse and no regrets and why is that? 

Because I made my decision and commitment based on my values.

We often live our lives based on the values society, family, friends, or co-workers has placed on us.  Have you considered living your life based on your own values?  No one can list your values for you. 

They are just as unique as your fingerprints and nothing about them is wrong. 

I encourage you to consider learning what your values are (most people don’t truly know their values) and living your life based on those values.  I believe it will make life easier and more fulfilling.  And who knows … those struggles you have?  They may not completely vanish, but I’m guessing they will fade considerably! 

Here’s to living a life based on your values!

Two-Minute Read: How a “Gratitude Attitude” Can Help You Through Difficult Times

It’s easy to feel grateful when life is smooth sailing.  But when we’re feeling tired, frustrated, angry, sad, or when we’re just having a hard day, very seldom do we think about giving thanks.  Yet, it’s in these moments that cultivating a “gratitude attitude” can benefit us the most!  How can gratitude help us?

In the face of strain and discomfort, gratitude can give us hope.

In the face of exhaustion, gratitude has the power to energize.

In the face of bitterness and hurt, gratitude can heal.

In the face of desperation, gratitude has the power to bring hope.

 Being grateful isn’t always easy and it certainly doesn’t come naturally. After all, who feels thankful after losing something that’s important to them like health, finances, a job, or a relationship?  These types of losses can be gut-wrenching, soul-crushing, and perhaps even traumatizing.  But none of those can ever be devastating unless we allow them to be.  And we allow them to grow when we focus on them.

 Here’s an uncomfortable truth:  we’re all going to have bad things happen to us at one time or another … get injured, be rejected, ignored, insulted, or lose someone we love.  During these times, it’s important to remember that “feeling” grateful and “being” grateful are different.  We don’t always have control over our feelings, but “being” grateful is an attitude and a choice.  If we learn to be grateful in the little challenges, it will come easier in the bigger challenges. 

 Even though good things happen in our lives, we tend to focus on the bad.  Developing a “gratitude attitude” will prepare us to focus on the good so we can experience more of that good in our lives.

 Take some time now to start practicing gratitude so when struggles come, it will be more of a second nature to think of the positives.  If you continue, you’ll find that not only will gratitude help during the difficult times, but it’s essential to living your best life and it’s well worth the effort.

 Have a grateful day!

One-Minute Read - Doing Life "Easy"

When you do life easy, life gets hard. What does that mean? It means something different for everyone. For me, when Covid hit, I stopped exercising as intensely as pre-Covid. I started doing life “easy”. After a few months of “sorta” exercising, I realized I could no longer pick up a 40-pound bag of dog food. So, when I did life “easy”, life suddenly got more difficult.

Here's the thing, I’ve found that we always have to do hard (I like the word “challenging”) things in life and with our health. We can either choose the hard things we want to do, or the hard things will choose us. I’d rather choose to “work out” than for my body to choose to quit functioning.

Bottom line … it’s our choice. We can do life easy … or we can put a little more effort into being healthier so life might be a little easier in the long run.

Easy or hard? What will you choose?

(Move your body, hydrate, eat healthy. You are strong! You’ve got this!)

Here’s to a long and strong life!

One-Minute Read - Get Your Hydration On

Why is drinking water important? Water is the fluid that lubricates our systems and keeps us healthy and vibrant.

Think of a riverbed in a drought when it’s all dried up and cracking … where the water is so sparse that there’s no life in it.

Now compare your body to that riverbed and imagine what you are doing to it by not staying hydrated with enough water. Yup, soon enough your body, too, will dry up, crack and become uninhabitable.

So before you get to that sad state, go get a tall glass of H2O and enjoy!

Two-Minute Read: Tips on How to Continue Habits into Your Vacation

Have you ever wondered why you can’t remember to drink your water on vacation?  Or exercise?  Or even floss your teeth?  That’s because our habits are different when we are outside of our regular routine. 

If you really want to continue a habit into your vacation, the first thing to do is

decide and commit. 

Decide what habit you want to continue and decide you’re going to do it.  

Then, scope out the scene and

make a plan. 

Decide where and when you will do this habit.  Make it easy -- meditate and journal on the balcony as the sun rises, walk on the beach for 30 minutes after dinner, or drink x ounces of water a day. You catch my drift.

Then, set yourself up for success.  Position everything in place in order to succeed.  Put your journal (with a pen) beside the table going out to the balcony.  Set an alarm to remind you of your commitment to walk.  Set your water bottle on the counter the night before to remind you to fill it the next morning.

Last, don’t beat yourself up if everything doesn’t go exactly as planned.  Just pick up and start again the next day.  Not everything goes exactly as planned, but without a plan you’ll likely never take action.

A goal without a plan is just a wish. 

Won’t it feel so good when you get home from vacation and look back at all the positive habits you’ve continued? 

You’ve got this, my friend!

Two-Minute Read - How Food Impacts Mental Health

Eating a balanced diet is extremely important in improving our physical health and general wellbeing.

We’ve all heard that healthy eating is important in regulating blood sugar, supporting our muscle function, boosting immunity, and maintaining a healthy weight.

But did you know the food you eat also impacts your mental health? According to research, the foods we eat influence our cognitive function and mental state, including memory, mood, intelligence, reasoning, and problem-solving.

On the other hand, not getting those important nutrients in our diet can contribute to more stress, anxiety, depression, and mental fatigue.

According to Harvard Medical School, our brain is always active.  It requires "fuel" to function and that “fuel” comes from the food we eat.

A well-balanced diet that consists of vitamins, minerals, plant-based antioxidants, amino acids, Omega-3, and macrobiotics is a great recipe for overall health. 

Conversely, a poor-quality diet of refined sugars, highly processed meats, and high-fat dairy products is linked to unfavorable mental health issues such as increased depression, anxiety, and stress. 

Foods rich in Vitamin B, folic acid, folate, omega-3 fatty acids, zinc, and magnesium are ideal for improving mental health. 

Here is a list of some foods that you can eat to boost your mental health:

• Leafy greens

• Broccoli

• Cauliflower

• Cabbage

• Kale

• Brussels sprouts

• Oysters

• Mussels

• Avocados

• Bananas

• Pumpkin

• Blueberries

• Apples

• Grapefruit

• Kiwi fruit

• Salmon

The bottom line is that what you eat can significantly influence your physical and psychological well-being. 

Having said this, if you feel you could use mental health support, please reach out to someone. 

With this nutritional information in mind, guard your diet and make sure that whatever you eat has all the nutritional benefits your brain needs to operate at its best.

Here’s to a happy and healthy brain!

If you’re interested in learning more about how this relates to you? Click here for a free 60-minute session!

7 Tips for Deep, Blissed-Out Sleep

I just want to drop in and offer you some sweet pillow talk about dreamland where we spend about one third of every day of our lives.  But first, why am I even talking about sleep when it’s something our bodies do naturally?

Actually, the truth is that sleep is not something that just happens … unless you are my sweet 6-year old granddaughter who sleeps like … well, like a baby!!  

Even babies, though, need to learn to fall asleep and sleep well. What’s important about getting good sleep?  

Good sleep is vital for good health.

Sleep deprivation can lead to a multitude of health issues:

● It escalates the hunger hormone called ghrelin, which increases food cravings.

● It escalates the stress hormone called cortisol, which can cause weight gain, diabetes, heart attacks, high blood pressure, depression, osteoporosis and depressed immunity.

● It causes elevated blood pressure in people with hypertension, which can lead to cardiovascular disease and stroke.

Learning how to improve your sleep is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity!

How do I get better sleep? Follow these 7 tips and rest assured (excuse the pun) that you will feel more rejuvenated and energized than you even knew was possible:

1. Practice regular sleep rhythms by going to bed and waking up around the same time each day. 2. Create total quiet and darkness in your bedroom.

3. Avoid caffeine or reduce your intake after noon as it affects your sleep.

4. Get regular exposure to daylight for at least 20 minutes a day because the sunlight triggers your brain to release melatonin, which is vital for healthy sleep.

5. Eat no later than two hours before you go to bed because eating a heavy meal before bedtime will impede your body’s natural overnight detoxification process.

6. Write down your worried thoughts before bedtime so you can free your mind and drop into a deep and restful sleep.

7. Take a hot salt or aromatherapy bath because raising your body temperature before bed helps to induce sleep. I add a few drops of Lavender essential oil, which is known for its relaxing and sleeping properties.

If you struggle with sleep, click here now to schedule a time (no cost, no pressure) to talk with me … especially if you need the support and accountability to help you follow through like never before!

Happy Zzzz’s and here’s to your health!

Two-Minute Read - Are You Treating Your Relationships According to Your Values?

I had a client once who told me she had made a list of qualities she wanted in a future husband, but no one seemed to ever match the list.  You know -- like kind, considerate, someone who treated her like a queen -- things like that.  Sounds like a Lifetime movie, right?  Well, this was a real-life movie and it wasn’t working for her!

We took it a step further and, in her words, “It changed my life.” 

I asked her to do two things:

1)    First was to answer this question, “If you were the ‘ideal you’, how would you treat your future husband?”  A lot of the characteristics were the same, but there were a few additions and a few she took off the original list.

2)    Second, I asked her to start treating everyone in her life according to these characteristics, including that obnoxious co-worker that frustrated her. 

When she started treating everyone as her ideal self, she started seeing changes in how others treated her.  But there’s more. Why is treating someone as your “ideal self” important?

The answer is simple. 

Values. 

When you ask yourself, “how would I treat someone if I were the “ideal me”, you are revealing your values.  Living by your values is significant in all areas of your life because your values are the compass that guides everything you do.  They give your life direction and meaning.  They define who you are and what you stand for.  

If, for example, you value being kind, but gossip about your co-worker behind their back, you are not living according to your values.  And when you don’t live according to your values, you create conflict within your body, mind, and spirit. 

On the other hand, when you do live according to your values, you create harmony, which is important in maintaining a healthy body, mind, and spirit.

Not sure if you’re living your best life -- the life that’s in alignment with your values?  Click here to schedule a free 60-minute session to help give you clarity on your values and steps to help you move forward.

Here’s to living a value-filled life.

One-Minute Read - Ready to Give Up on That Resolution?

Does that New Year’s Resolution already seem dim in your mind?

If so, I encourage you to take a few minutes to think about how that promise to yourself supports the values in your life.

If you value being a loving parent, it’s worth taking the time to play with your kids. If you value your relationship with God, you’ll want to spend more time with Him. If you value your health, you’re willing to exercise on a regular basis despite inconvenience.

Sometimes when we think about our values and how our actions support those values, we’re more likely to follow through.

Here’s to a value-filled 2022!

Two-Minute Read: How to Get Results With Your Resolutions This Year

You’ve set New Year’s resolutions and goals before, only to come up short.  As a matter of fact, you’ve decided to quit setting them because you never follow through.  You can’t seem to take consistent, long-term action. Why is that? 

You, my friend, have left out the one thing that’s more important than setting the goal to begin with.  You have left out the “how” or the system to help you get where you want to go. 

The one thing that’s more important than setting a goal is to have a system in place to help you attain that goal.

So what, exactly, does it mean to have a system?

A system is simply a process to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. 

Here’s a system that will help you follow through and get results:

1)     Come up with a goal.  Get clear on what you want.  I call this your aspiration.

2)    Attach actions to your aspiration.  This is where most of us fail.  There is a big difference between an aspiration and an action.  An aspiration is what you want.  An action is what you’re going to do to get what you want. 

3)    Come up with a process.   Determine when and how much you’ll do of each of those actions and commit to doing them on a regular basis. 

4)    Then, forget your goal.  Yep, that’s what I said.  Once you know your goal, identify actions, and have a process, forget about your goal.  If you focus on the process and those daily actions rather than the goal, before you know it, you’ll see changes you never thought possible.

If you’re not sure what action steps and process are right for you, click here to set up a free consultation to come up with a plan!

Here’s to making the impossible possible!

Happy New Year!

One-Minute Read - Are You a Mary or a Martha?

Are you a Mary or a Martha?

 Remember that Biblical story?  When Jesus came to visit these two sisters, Martha became busy working and preparing for her guests, while Mary decided to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to him.  Martha, being a little perturbed that she was doing all the work, complained to Jesus.

 How did He respond? 

 But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; but only one thing is necessary; for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:41-42

 Jesus gently admonished Martha for being worried and distracted.  Notice, though, he didn’t admonish her for serving.  Service is a good thing, but sitting at Jesus’ feet is even better.

 I’ll be honest, I tend to tense up a bit when I think about this story.  I feel like Martha was probably thinking, “well if I don’t do it, who will?” 

 I know that feeling.

 So then, what can I learn from this story?

 This year, when I’m feeling worried and distracted, I want to step back and think about the one thing that is necessary that Mary chose – listening to Jesus.

 I realize that focusing on and listening to Jesus won’t solve all my problems.  But past experience has proven that focusing on Him will certainly give me wisdom to help me deal with that worry and distraction a little more lightly.  I want to always remember that …

 sitting at Jesus’ feet is best.

 I wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving with less worry and distraction and lot more focus on the good part - Jesus.

A Two-Minute Read - One Easy way to Help Reduce Anxiety

Three alarming facts and stats came up for me this week that I want to share:

1.     Social Media:  The main emotions we take from social media are “regret” and “shame” – regret that we don’t do as much as we think we “should” do and shame for doing things we feel like we “shouldn’t” do.  These two emotions equal “I am not enough”.  We live in a “compare and despair” world.  We compare ourselves to others and then beat ourselves up because we can never be as good in everything as everyone else.

2.     News:  The positive to negative ratio of news shows that close to 90% of all news is negative.

3.     Advertisements:  Digital marketing experts estimate that most Americans are exposed to around 4,000 to 10,000 ads each day.  That means that between 4,000 and 10,000 times a day, we are being told our life could -- and should -- be better. 

This ALL adds up to a tremendous amount of “I’m not enough”, “I need to do better”, and “It’s so bad so why bother?”.   That’s a LOT of negativities coming at us.

How can we counteract all the negativity that is being thrown at us?  One way is with gratitude.  Did you know that gratitude rewires our brain so we become more likely to focus on the positives in the world rather than the negatives?  Our brains are always going to seek the things that keep us safe (which are often negative), but in this time and age, we need to nurture our happiness and our emotional well-being. 

How do we do this?  One simple way is to think of three things that you are grateful for that happened in the past 24 hours and include why.  Adding the “why” is important because it helps you remember specific incidents and makes each “gratitude” new.  So rather than, “I’m grateful for my friends”, try, “I’m grateful for Michelle because of the way she made me laugh today.”

Think of three things and why.  That’s it!  (Here’s a Ninja Tip:  make it simple and you’re more likely to follow through.) 

Do you feel overwhelmed by all the negativity in the world?  Click ­here for a free coaching session to help you learn techniques to live a more grateful and less anxiety-filled life.